Damned Wisdom…

Is the know-it-all, defiant, anti-establishment phase of youth a biological process of maturation?
It sure seems like it.
We all go through it to some extent, some more than others.  When I was younger, I thought I had a fresh and original take on life.  I wasn’t going to do the same things as everybody else.  I was gonna rock the world and defy convention to carve out my own unique lifestyle and philosophy in this race of lemmings.  At the time, I was 100% certain that I knew what was up in the universe and that my own intrinsically gifted wisdom was far superior to others, especially my parents.  My mom and dad, whose patience and understanding with me is still something that baffles me, told me how things would be and how the world was, but I chose to ignore their conventional and cliche advice.  After all, what did they know about the world?  They were old and I was the new thing.  Or, so I thought.
It’s pretty hilarious if you stop and think about it.  There I was, a snot-nosed, lazy, white, middle-class American kid thinking that I knew something about the world.  And the funniest part was, I thought I knew better than my parents, two brilliant people who had traveled the world and lived through struggles and successes for 40 years longer than me.  Ridiculous.  And yet, we all do it.  Even my parents, the wisest, kindest, and most wonderful people I have known and will ever know, were just as defiant, impertinent, and overconfident as I was.
Now, I’m an adult (though, I often feel like I’m still the most foolish and immature person my age) and you know what?  Everything my parents told me when I was young turned out to be true.  Of course, if you had told me that then, I wouldn’t have believed you.  Even if I, myself, invented a time machine and went back to visit myself when I was 16 and said, “look, you buffoon!  You’re parents are right about everything.  Just listen to them!  I’m you in the future and everything they said turned out to be true,” I wouldn’t believe a word of it.  I’d look at me now and say, “Phhff!  You’re old!  What do you know?”
I’m beginning to think that the process of going through that phase in our young lives is biologically necessary.  Of course, this is merely conjecture and I have no evidence to back it up (nor am I intelligent or, indeed, skilled enough to do the required research and produce evidence), but it makes sense to me.  It’s as if we need to build up our own personal view of the world when we’re young, the way we want things to be or the way we’re going to make the world.  Then, as we get older, that world is ripped apart and replaced by the real one.  It’s a humbling, sometimes humiliating, experience, but it sets us on the path to self-realization.  We need that modesty.  We need that humiliation.  It reminds us that we are merely a PART of the world and not the world itself.  (Sadly, there are those people who actually NEVER come to this realization and continue to live in their worlds all their lives, making those around them suffer for it.)
My mom told me repeatedly throughout my youth that your attitude shapes your perspective on life.  In my youth, especially in my college days, I was a steadfast believer in cold hard science.  I was really hardcore about it.  I considered things like psychology, sociology, etc. to be lesser “soft” sciences, and ultimately useless pursuits.  So when my mother told me that if I maintained a positive attitude, my life would improve and I would be happier, I didn’t believe a word of it.  I probably said something like, “mom!  Having a positive attitude has no observable physical effects and cannot even be measured.  Therefore, it can’t have any impact whatsoever on my happiness, which is merely the result of unconscious chemical reactions in the brain, or on my life, which is the product of an incalculable number of unceasing physical processes, reactions, and interactions between me, my environment, and the whole of the universe.”
She usually responded with a smile, if the argument was something trivial, or a sigh, if it was something serious.
Now, I know she was right.  I still love science and despise religious lore, but I’m not so adamant that only cold hard science has all the answers.  I’m prepared to admit that there are things neither I nor science can fully understand and/or explain (this does not mean that am willing to accept or even listen to theological or spiritual explanations).  Science could just be running to catch up with something we know to be true in our guts.  The data will be there someday, even if it’s not there right now.  Or maybe science will discover some other means to explain what we know.  Who knows?  That’s the beauty of science!
I’m getting sidetracked.
Anyway, long story short…I’m happy.  Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.  Does that mean that I don’t have any negative things in my life?  No sir!  I have a lot of shit in my life.  I just don’t let it get to me or I find a reason to see it in a different light.  Ultimately, my attitude dictates my perspective on reality and in my life.  My mom was right.  She always is.
For example, my job…
I don’t really like teaching English and I don’t want to do it for the rest of my life.  Teaching English to Japanese students is absolutely one of the most pointless and futile pursuits in the universe (of course, with some exceptions).  And, if I were still young, my attitude would have been, “well, this sucks!  I’m gonna quit and find something else.”  This was my attitude throughout most of my youth as is evident with my many many changes in studies, career, and personal pursuits.
Now, I realize that I’m in this position by my own doing and, while I could certainly get out of it again on my own, I have a good reason to stay.  Yuki.  All I have to do is consider that I’m doing this job for her and I easily find the motivation I need to work hard and, indeed, enjoy my work.  She has changed me from a desperately negative person to a person who chooses to shape his own life in a positive light.
No doubt, to some of you, this might sound like a negative thing and one that I’ll come to regret.  The subtle difference is that I’m not working this job out of obligation to Yuki.  In fact, she has on several occasions told me to quit if I’m not satisfied with my job.  On the contrary, I choose to work this job, because she inspires me to do my best in everything I do, even the things I might not take the greatest pleasure in (ESPECIALLY those things).  She is reason enough to take on any challenge and any pursuit in life.  She’s like no one I’ve ever been with before.
And so, my mom was right.  It just took the love of someone amazing to make me realize it.  All of my relationships in the past were with people the just continuously enabled me to be negative.  They even encouraged me, which kept me living in a cycle of negativity for most of my life.  Now, I have someone to inspire me (Yuki) and the right words to live by (my parents’).
Wow!  This turned into a sappy post.  Sorry.
This is just one example of all the numerous pieces of wisdom I rejected over the years.  There are many.
In short, listen to your parents (even though, I know you won’t until you come to the conclusions on your own.  After all, that’s how it works.)

Much love,

E